Friday, February 15, 2013

Goodbye...for now

Hi Ladies,

I have come to the decision to stop blogging. I can't seem to find the balance in my life anymore and I need to trim away EVERYTHING that does not involve my family. That means this blog, my book club, and a few other things as well. My family has to come first.

I am not deleting this blog, instead I went through the whole thing and deleted any non-important posts. I went from about 300 posts to under 80. There are some that I just can NOT delete due to obligational reasons (ex: book reviews - I got free books in exchange for the reviews and other ad type things). I have listed all my posts on the right hand side of this blog with a link to each of them.

As I was looking back through my old posts and saw the things that I THOUGHT I was healed from it made me realize that something was wrong. I am NOT healed from them. Maybe I had a little layer of healing, but not complete healing. I'm not letting go until God changes me! And I mean truly CHANGES ME!! Reading through my old posts I see how they just flow through me out onto the screen. I don't have that anymore right now. I truly believe that God has instructed me to take a break...a good long break....even for a couple years or so. I think He lifted His anointing off of it because everything has become effort...there is no ease to it at all...a good sign He wants me to stop.

Many of you find my honesty refreshing. But I have to ask myself, "At what point can I succeed?" If I'm always being "real" and showing that homemaking isn't always easy...when can I truly conquer my struggles? I want to be real to make people realize that they aren't alone in their hard times but at what point can I get above that and truly be done with them? I don't want to always be in the homemaking hospital, so to speak. I want to get to the point where I have checked out from the hospital, totally healed, and can go on and tell others how to get their healing!

I noticed that I was rushing to find answers to my problems so I can post about it on here...only thing is...I didn't give God time to I made up my own answers, THINKING it was God. It's time I really dig in and live the life that HE wants me to live and move on. I'm tired of all these emotional struggles!

I also need to get every form of input into my life, out. It has gotten to the point where I don't even think for myself! It's what I read on this blog, and in this book and so on. I want it to just be me and God.

I'm battling other issues that have popped up as well and just really need to focus on my living quarters and my life. I can't help or minister to anyone if I'm broken!

I have absolutely no idea what God has in store for me. I WANT to blog, but I don't know exactly when I would start again. Maybe I won't be part of a blog at all...maybe I will be with people I actually see. I've always wanted to have a Bible Study right at my home. Maybe I'll be doing something with my church. I don't know. God isn't even HINTING at me with a possibility. I just have no clue.

If you want to be notified if and when I start up again, I suggest you sign up for my emails on the left side of my blog. That way if I start writing again, you'll get notified.

Until then...I pray God blesses you on your homemaking journey!


pandorasjen79 said...

Bummer! You've blessed me a lot with your writing. But, I understand. It's not like I've been writing a lot lately either.

I'm very glad we are friends on Facebook now though :)

AngieC said...

Hey Angell,
Just read through your last two entries. Been there... that frustration of the home and picking up after everyone.. My humorous (I think) is my greatest frustration is my 80 lb. Lab who leaves hair and dander everywhere, jumps up on my white couch with muddy paws, and has the nerve to sleep on it at night, after we've all gone to bed ourselves. That plus 4 kids who I admit I've not trained as I should to clean up after themselves and pitch in around the house.... the list goes on.
Sometimes the things we think are important aren't and vise-versa. When I first started out blogging a little over a year ago, you featuring me and stuff was just the encouragement I needed. I am still at it, though at times I thought like you, Why Bother? You've made a difference in my life and wanted to let you know.
Trusting Him to light your path with joy, peace and his precious guidance in future decisions that lie before you.
Many Blessings!

Del Kroemer said...

I am sad to read this post friend, but God lets us know what we need to do and when and it is best to listen. I will be praying for the best for you and your sweet family. Oh, and keep in touch!:)

Joyful Christian Homemaking said...

I'll miss you. :-(

Jaimie said...

I'm sorry life has been so frustrating for you, Angell! Just read through your two latest posts. I'll be thinking of you, and praying that God fills you up with joy and gives you peace despite the frustrations! Crying is totally OK--I do it probably more than I should :). We'll be here when you get back!!

Angell @ Passionate and Creative Homemaking said...

Thank you ladies for your kind words!

Jen, I'm glad we're friends on facebook too.

Angie, you get me exactly. God has been showing me a lot through different people, the consequences of NOT teaching our kids responsibility. I too am guilty of not having my kids have chores. God has been dealing with me A LOT about it too. I can't be mentally on here AND have things run smoothly at home.

Del - thanks for the kind words!

Candy - we can always chat on facebook :)

Jaimie - thanks for your kind words as well.

As the day went on after posting this (along with ending my book club), the peace of knowing that there is nothing "out there" that needs my attention, was amazing. I know I made the right call. Satan has been lying to me telling me I'm not busy...afterall I'm home all day every day. But I have enough going on inside my own home, to keep me busy.

Plus I'm working on my personal walk with God. I didn't realize that I was causing it to slide. I was too focused on getting a message to put on here.

The blog started to feel different. Then I figured it out. God took His anointing off of it. So I know I had to lay it down.

Thanks again ladies!

Ginny (aka Mia Burke) said...

After reading your post I felt I was reading my feelings. I've gone through this once before and have come through the valley and the Lord has put me on the mountain. A couple thoughts. I would say you are depressed clinically. Going through it on my own I felt I was spinning out of control (oh, control was something I could do a little less of too! I know now God holds me at all times even in the deepest pit.

I really feel he was telling me that "one" thing I was suppose to do was being blurred by all the irons I had in the fires. I needed to refresh, fill my well as I had helped many women fill theirs. I needed to take my own advice.

I would advise dealing with the depression, because being "piled" with stuff can break you. Be it chemically or with putting yourself under the care of a councilor or with a mature faithful women who will help you break down what should be your "needs" to do and all the other things you think "needs" to be done.

As I said I have gone through this and I am going through this again. I have pulled myself off all church leadership things, and evaluated my time and energy (I was just diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which right now my energy level is a big issue) I am doing this doing it without the guilt I had the first time this happened.

You are a woman of sacred worth and value, no matter what you do. When life seems to be overwhelming and going too fast...slow down and walk with God for a while (hard I know). Make yourself do what you need to do. And as hard as this is; you are doing the right thing with the blog. You may come back, you may not. Either way, in the end, when you have passed through this valley, you will see the mission of discipleship much clearer and have a calm that surpasses understanding.

You will have a better insight of yourself and your missions. You will also take away a healthier balance in your life. I like the word sabbatical because it means you are making these changes and breaking off for a while for a purpose.

Oh I have gone on way too long. If you wish to contact me feel free

Be well, prayers and hugs Ginny Sargent

Homemaking Challenged said...

I want to thank you for all of the wonderful posts you have put your heart into on your blog. Many of the same things that you have expressed are very similar to my experience and feelings. I will miss hearing from you, but i COMPLETELY understand.

Net, the Movie Blogger said...

God bless you, Angell, as you follow God's calling and figure out what is best for you and your family!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
~Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

Jen said...

Hey Angell, it's Jen from Jens Journey blog. I just wanted to let you know that you were on my heart this morning. I actually woke up thinking of you and took that as a prompting from the Holy Spirit to pray for you, your marriage, your children and your walk with the Lord. Please know that you are loved and cared for.
I hope all is going well and I hope to hear from you again soon!