Yesterday I talked about resenting everyone. Today I'm going to talk about overcoming this.
Before we begin, let me ask you a question.
What do you think of yourself as a mom, a wife, and a homemaker?
I have learned that a lot of my resentment comes from me TRYING SO HARD to be the perfect mom, wife, and homemaker that when things don't work the way I planned I get sooooo angry. When my 3 year old decides to make his toys "snow" like I said yesterday, I immediately get filled with resentment because now it looks like *I* didn't keep the house clean. When my older son acts up, I think it's because there is something wrong in *my* parenting.
I have this vision in my head of what *I* am supposed to be and I am not even CLOSE to being that woman. I want to be the sweet yet tough mom...instead I am (at times) a mean and wimpy mom. I want to be soft spoken...I am definitely NOT that. I read a lot - which I am starting to think can be a bad thing - about homemaking and being a Christian mother and so on. Well I read these books (and blogs) and all I see is what I am NOT.
Do you do the same thing?
Reading such material can be a good thing...but if you read so much that it makes you feel like a failure...take a break from them. I plan on writing a lot of stuff on here about being a great homemaker and such, but I still want to show that I too struggle with these things.
God also showed me a few other things on WHY I am resentful...maybe you have similar reasons
1 - I have not been content financially (money is a huge stresser for me), although I have made huge strides with trusting God in this area.
2 - I feel like I have to PROVE that I did something all day (hubby is a neat freak and house cleaning has been the root of the majority of our arguments)
3 - I battle with being selfish with my time. When my kids want me when I'm doing something (especially when it's constant) it really aggravates me
4 - Again, I don't feel like I measure up to the woman in my head
5 - There are certain things that I have allowed that I regret (ex: son sleeping in my bed, no chores for my oldest, etc) but don't have the courage to change (As many of you know, God has been working with me on this and I'm starting to see some changes already)
6 - Due to being away from family (our only babysitters), hubby and I haven't been on a date or alone by ourselves in YEARS.
7 - We just go through the motions of life
8 - I am home all day and would love to just be able to go to a park or something and get fresh air. Before I was married I was big into nature. I would go to the beach almost every weekend when I lived in CT (even when it was cold out), I went for walks to take in nature...I even loved to just sit on the grass and watch the sunset. I can't do that now without worrying about what is going on inside the house. It's so dramatic when I just go to the bathroom!
9 - Once hubby comes home we have dinner. Then I clean up from dinner and any mess in the kitchen, do my evening routine and then we're off to bed. We have to get up so early (4am) that we have to be in bed ready for sleep by 8 or 9. We don't have much time together
There are a ton of other reasons that I'm sure God will show me
But here is how to get over it -
1 - Pray. This should be obvious and sometimes we don't think it's important enough. Be honest with God about how you feel. You're not going to upset Him. He already knows how you feel, He's just waiting for you to bring it to Him.
2 - Realize that you CAN get over this and the majority of it is solved in your mind. It's what you're thinking that is causing the resentment. Remember, you can be pitiful or powerful...but you can't be both!
3 - Change what you can and leave the rest up to God. For example, I changed a little of my night time routine so I had less to do which means more time with hubby. I can always ask hubby to watch the kids for five minutes so I can sit outside alone to just breathe. I have a hard time asking my husband for things I need...I haven't quite figured out WHY that is, although I know part of it is because I battle with self worth. That will be my next project lol.
4 - Keep an eye on what you're thinking. This goes along with #2. When your kids ask you for something or your husband, PAY ATTENTION to what you're thinking AT THAT MOMENT. When your kids are having a hissy fit over something PAY ATTENTION to what you're thinking AT THAT MOMENT. Is it godly? Is it negative? What can you think of INSTEAD of such awful thoughts?
5 - Speak out loud!!! The Word says that there is life and death in the tongue. It also says to "calleth those things which be not as though they were." Yes that scripture is saying that GOD speaks things that are not as though they were, but we are made in God's image and we have the power of Jesus in us so WE can speak like that as well. I wrote a post back early in my blog called "The Power of Speaking God's Word." I have been following this principle for YEARS and I can't begin to tell you how true it is. I have seen HUGE things happen because of what I confess on a regular basis. My lists have become so long that I had to break them into daily confessions and weekly confessions. I have added to my daily list the following things to speak:
a) I deal patiently with my family
b) I am not stressed, resentful, nor pitiful. Instead I am peaceful, grateful and powerful
c) I am filled with love, peace, and joy. My home is filled with it because of me
d) I am the mood setter of my home and at the same time, other's moods don't affect me
e) My mouth spews words that brings life, encouragement, power, blessings and are uplifting
f) I love my role as a homemaker and strive in it; I follow my schedule daily and can handle interruptions that may change it
g) I work hard as a homemaker keeping the house clean and organized, which is a job that is never done and I love it!
I just can't stress this principle enough!
6 - Start a thankfulness journal. I have a simple composition notebook that I started to write in daily things that I'm thankful for. I would stop during the middle of the day and write in it. I did it that way because it forces me to stop however it is that I'm thinking, and pay attention to the good things in my life. Most of our resentment stems from being discontent.
7 - Realize your VALUE in being a homemaker. I started to write about this and it became so long that I have decided to make a separate post about it and you will see it tomorrow.
So that's it. I hope this helps you. Just writing it helped me a lot!!