When Hubby Thinks You Got It Easy

I have a question for ya.

How many of you have a husband that thinks you have it easy because you get to “stay home all day?”

In the beginning of our marriage my husband was clueless on what it takes to be a stay at home mom. He even dared to say “Well what did you do all day?” And that wasn’t a term of endearment wanting to truly know how my day went.

He wasn’t being mean…just ignorant. It wasn’t until my youngest came along when a lightbulb went off in his head. While I was in the hospital, he had to take care of our son (who was 4). At this time we were living with my parents for a ton a reasons I won’t get into. Even with the help of my parents, my husband actually said what all stay at home moms want, or even NEED, to hear. And that is:

“I don’t know how you do it! How do you do this all day every day?”

VICTORY!!!

FINALLY he sees how hard it is.

But did that last?

Nope.

See, men are forgetful.

My husband tells me that he appreciates all I do. I know he does.

But we all know men don’t (or can’t) give us ENOUGH verbal appreciation in that area.

When I worked before being a SAHM, I got tons of compliments and “way to gos” and “good jobs,” etc at work. After working hard on something, it felt great to know it was noticed and appreciated.

Now as a SAHM, many times I would reorganize a room or closet that took me HOURS to do. When I show hubby all I usually get is “looks good.”

LOOKS GOOD?

LOOKS GOOD?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all that hard work that’s all I get is a simple “looks good?!”

Doesn't he know he's supposed to act super excited, do cart wheels and light fireworks?!


A few months ago, I got sick. The kind of sick where you are in bed all day – that part lasted a week. Then after that week was over, I got a serious ear infection that just wiped me out.  Oh, and I also didn’t sleep for 6 days. I was under so much stress that whenever I tried to fall asleep, I would wake up gasping for air. I LITERALLY did not sleep for 6 days. I was a zombie to say the least.

So when a woman is out of commission for 2 weeks, the house goes to shambles. You know that saying that goes something like “no one knows what I do until I don’t do it?” Oh yeah…that’s what happened. Hubby definitely had a new appreciation for me.

But not only that, *I* got to see what I really do. It gave me the boost of confidence that I needed that has lead me to where I am now (I’ll be getting to that shortly). And since then, hubby has seemed to back off with needing the house so clean (but then again, with this new confidence, the house has actually been more clean). He got to see for himself, what I really do – at least from the cleaning aspect of it (he’s a neat freak and is crabby when the house is messy).

Then the other day I heard him on the phone with one of his parents. I had to go to the doctor and I left my youngest home. Normally I take him everywhere since he enjoys going out with me, and hubby is usually busy fixing something around the house. But this time I had to leave him home. I was gone for maybe 2-3 hours. I don’t think hubby ever had to watch him that long.

Now, for those who are visiting for the first time, my youngest – who is 3, is extremely difficult. He is what you call a “high needs child.” He is utterly exhausting. He can go from extremely adorable to extremely frustrating.

I heard my husband say on the phone “I had to watch (my youngest) while Angell went to the doctors today. Wow he’s a real handful. I thought Angell had it easy, but I’m extremely tired now.”

You would think that I would have another “VICTORY” moment.

But I didn’t.

I chuckled to myself. I have finally gotten to the point where I am so confident in what I do at home, that my first thought was:

“It’s just because I make it LOOK easy!”

Now that is a HUGE accomplishment. I have battled for the past 8 years with finding my value as a homemaker. I felt like my husband was more important because he made the money. Sometimes I thought that was what he thought as well. I didn’t think I was a great homemaker and so on. I started to feel worthless, not important, I didn’t matter, etc…after all, all I do all day is take care of everyone else and clean up after them. Their needs always have to come before mine because I'm at home. Hubby needs new work shirts, and since what he does brings home the bacon, that need has to come before mine. I need new shoes, but my son needs new shoes for school. Again, my needs come last and sometimes don't come at all. Years of dealing with stuff like that has put a toll on my self-worth.

I mentioned in my post “Trimming Excess” that God has been on me like crazy about being a homemaker, but not JUST a homemaker, but an on fire, PASSIONATE, hard working homemaker.

I didn’t put two and two together until recently. I have been praying to be a better homemaker and this is His way of answering that prayer.

To my fellow homemakers, PLEASE understand you do not need your husband to EVER give you your value as a homemaker. You need to be so confident in yourself as a homemaker that NO ONE, including SATAN himself, can take it away from you!

How to get that value:

- Biggest and most important thing you can do is pray! Pray God gives you a revelation of how important being a homemaker is. I posted on Facebook and on one of my linkups the following quote (that I wish I can put on the wall):

“Homemaking is not simply housework. Housework is keeping a house clean; homemaking is creating a pleasant home for one’s family. The aim and greatest reward of real homemaking is a happy, contented family.” - Ida Bailey Allen

- Also pray that God gives you a new passion for homemaking and to truly see the value in it.

- Truly start looking at homemaking just like that quote. You are cleaning because it blesses your family and YOU. Since I have been on a cleaning binge lately, I have been more relaxed! It doesn’t take me as long to clean. The other night the light and alarm on our septic tank was going off. I needed the number to the septic guy ASAP. It felt GREAT that I could find it in less than 30 seconds. A few weeks ago I reorganized my filing cabinet and already got to reap the rewards of it.

- Start reading books on homemaking. Some I suggest are:

"Fruit of Her Hands," By Nancy Wilson

"Passionate Housewives Desperate for God," by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald

"Act As If" by Holly Boyd - this book isn't specific to just homemaking but to live a life that is purposeful. It talks about not only organizing your house, but your thoughts, and your life. I have the eBook and printed it off. I have stored it in my Homemaking Binder (will talk about that in the weeks to come) and plan to read a little of it every day....I find it THAT important.

"Fascinating Womanhood" [link is to the free eBook] I can't recommend this book enough. I have printed this one out as well and am determined to live every day of my life based on these principles in this book. In my opinion, you wouldn't need any other marriage book.

"Beautiful in God's Eyes," by Elizabeth George. This book is all about the Proverbs 31 woman and how to apply each verse to your life. She also has a few other books that touch on homemaking. (A Woman After God's Own Heart, Life Management For Busy Women, and A Woman's High Calling)

- MAKE A DECISION. I mean it. If you want to truly be a PASSIONATE homemaker you have to do it on purpose! I will be talking more about that in the near future.

- Really work at making it look easy to your husband. It's okay if only you and God know how hard it is. I'm trying my hardest not to complain to hubby if my boys drove me crazy. In fact I'm trying not to say anything negative (although it is REALLY hard!). The more you talk about the negative, the more the negative becomes even more negative. I'm trying to be as joyful as I can when he's home, regardless of what happened earlier in the day. I read somewhere in blogland (cannot for the life of me remember where) that husbands and wives need to not compete with who works harder. We need to agree that we both work hard, in different ways, for the better of the family.

I hope I lit a fire in you to want more out of your homemaking journey. A journey full of passion, sowing and reaping good seeds, being a blessing to your God-given family, and to bring a new excitement to your life.

If you struggle with feeling guilty for being home while hubby works, then click HERE for my post titled "Do You Ever Feel Guilty for Staying Home?"

Linked to: Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, A Pause on the Path, Cornerstone Confessions