Sometimes I get tired of being needed. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel to this mommy thing. My life was so much easier (and cleaner!) than it was before kids. I was well rested, well groomed, and I was never used as a tissue. I never had to clean up poop off the floor (except maybe my cat's), I drank my coffee hot (I have finally given up and just drink iced coffee now), I was able to have complete thoughts, and I was able to go to the bathroom in peace.
Lately the sound of pidder padder annoys me...it's usually someone needing me once again. My kid's temper tantrums make me want to throw a fit and have one of my own. I'm finding more grey hair
Some days...many days...I want to wave the white flag of surrender on this thing called motherhood.
But I won't.
Because I know what these older women mean now when they say "they grow up in the blink of an eye." "You're going to miss this." "You'll laugh at this one day."
Why can't I laugh now?
I remember my high school years like they were yesterday (graduated 2001). My niece is in 9th grade. I'm becoming that older women with her. There are times where I miss school. I miss homework, I miss the massive amounts of socialization...I even miss the teenage drama lol. But she doesn't see that. She can't see past high school because she hasn't gotten there yet.
Just like me with my mothering. My youngest is only two. I still have ways to go. So often I say to myself "I can't wait until so and so is older." "I can't wait until it's just us again" (meaning me and hubby). "I can't wait until he's out of diapers."
Why can't I enjoy each stage, mess and all?
Understand that your kids WILL grow and move out. They really will!! Sometimes in the midst of extreme chaos we don't think so. But let me emphasize the word AGAIN. Once your kids are grown, they will NEVER age backwards. You will NEVER get this back....EVER. You will NEVER have this AGAIN.
Let's look at what I'm missing out on when I'm rushing these precious years. Let's see when they are grown and gone, what I'll NEVER experience AGAIN
- No more morning excitement at Christmas time
- No cute meals to make
- No little ones walking down the hallway, rubbing their eyes from just waking up
- No more curling up and reading to them
- Although they are annoying, you know you'll miss those kids shows.Wow, a house with no Blues Clues or Thomas....how sad lol!
- No more car rides and seeing the excitement in them when they spot a plane, train, cow, deer, etc
- No more kids searching for their Easter Eggs
- No more trick or treating
- No more artwork on the fridge
- I most likely won't talk to them daily when they are grown. I have boys, so I might be lucky if I talk to them once a week. I complain my oldest talks too much, but how will I feel with only a few minutes a week?
- No more baking cookies together
- No more sweet sloppy (and sometimes sticky) kisses
- No more hearing "mommy" or "mama." When they get older it's usually "maw" lol
- No more sweet faces laying on my shoulder/chest
- No more little shoes or little coats in the closet
- No small clothes to fold including tiny socks
- No snowmen to build together
- No little mittens, scarves and hats in winter
- No more snow days
- No stockings hanging at Christmas (or at the most, just two for hubby and me)
- No more children's laughter
- Quiet dinner....every.single.night. All meals would be the same way
- No picnics with the kids, no park trips, no children's museums, no Chuck E Cheeses
- No more cute crafts from them
- No more bath toys
- No more silly statements (as we say "out of the mouth of babes")
- No more happy meals
- No more curling up and watching Christmas shows
- No more Chocolate Advent Calendars (unless I get one for myself)
- Only 2 toothbrushes in the toothbrush holder
Some of you may be thinking, "well, you'll be able to enjoy all those once again with your future grandchildren." Well let me ask you this...
- What if your kids decided they don't want to have kids?
- What if your child and/or future son/daughter in law, CAN'T have kids?
- What if your kids move out of state and you rarely get to see them? This happened with me. I'm the only child and the only grandchild. I grew up in CT where all my family lived in the same town their whole lives, and about 3 years ago I moved with their only grandchildren and great grandchildren to Ohio
This post isn't meant to be depressing, but more of a wake up call. Many mothers, myself included, struggle with motherhood. You go from one extreme of not being able to go to the bathroom without an audience to complete silence. Know that that silence will come one day. Lower your expectations of what you want your days to be like, step away from the computer, grab a book and curl up with your kids. Play blocks with them or whatever it is that you can both play.
Time is drifting by and you will NEVER get it AGAIN.
Linked to:Call Me Blessed, Growing Home, Time-Warp Wife, A Pause on the Path, Lessons from Ivy, The Better Mom, Thankful Homemaker, What Joy is Mine, Becoming a Strong Woman of God, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, Deep Roots at Home, A Mother's Heritage, We are THAT Family, Our Simple Country Life, Raising Mighty Arrows, Intentional Me, My daily walk in His grace!, Finding Joy, Your Thriving Family,