God has been busy with me lately. Praise God, He's been healing me of a lot of things that have been hindering my homemaking journey. I have finally been healed from comparing myself to other homemakers, He's shown me that I do NOT operate on a schedule and that is truly okay (I was REALLY bothered that I couldn't), He's also helped and shown me how to just chill out. My youngest will be 3 in July. Let me repeat....THREE! I am still in the mental thought process that he is still the colicky newborn that he used to be. For so long, I had to RUSH through everything that I did because at that point in my life, seconds mattered. But I'm no longer in that season of life. In fact I just realized that in 2 months, I'll be out of the TODDLER life and into the PRESCHOOLER life. Now we are done having kids, so to know that I am truly out of that stage has freed me so much. I've said it on here before, and I'm saying it again...I mean this with no joking or sarcasm...my youngest has traumatized me. But He's healing me from that as well.
Now...recently, God has shown me something that I didn't realize bothered me.
I actually felt GUILTY for being able to be a stay at home mom. No, I didn't feel guilty for the privilege that some women are not able to do this (sometimes I miss work)...but I felt guilty being at home, while hubby is busy working.
When I would sit and crochet, I would think "wow, while I'm enjoying myself...hubby is busy working."
While I'm enjoying reading a book...I would think the same thing and many other activities.
Ever do this?
So then I would wait until his day off to do this because in my crazy mind, I would think that we both had a day off. Yeah...right...that sooooo did not work lol! How many know that when hubby is home it's not really a "day off?" lol! Yes you enjoy him home and all that...but it's definitely not your day off. Have you ever tried to read with him home? Uh huh....can we say more interruptions than the kids?
And then he would say (or have the attitude) why can't you just do this when I'm at work?
Well, because I felt guilty. Satan has been attacking me for years with guilty thoughts.
Then God showed me something through the book, Secrets to Fascinating Womanhood. Here's one thing she said:
Staying home gives
you time to read in the
sunshine, listen to music,
create or play your own
music, enjoy your hobbies
develop your skills,
educate yourself and
mingle with your friends
The author explains that men want to come home to wives that are in a joyful mood. If you can't do anything that you enjoy, because you feel guilty about it, you surely aren't going to be joyful. In fact, there is a good chance you may even be resentful!
This was such a wakeup call for me, it's amazing. I thought to myself...wow, I can take a nap! I rarely take naps because I felt guilty that hubby couldn't take a nap. But then God showed me, I go to bed later than my husband because I'm up with the kids, when I am sleeping I deal with my youngest, and I get up before everyone to make hubby his lunch and breakfast. Why should I feel guilty for napping? I average 5-6 hours of sleep a night and it's not a solid sleep either.
God has definitely healed me in this but He also shows me stuff to confirm it. For example, my husband's father retired about a year or two ago. But he couldn't take it, and went and got a part time job. He has to stay busy. My husband is the same way. He never just sits around and does nothing, unless he is sick. That is his makeup. If he is home for 3 or more days, he can't wait to go back to work.
Men are made for work.The faster we realize that, the faster we'll enjoy our role to the fullest. And if they have a problem with it, realize it's not YOUR fault. Tell him to blame Adam! Yes, Adam! Because Adam wouldn't do his role as the "leader" in their marriage, he let Eve blatantly NOT listen to God so God cursed them. And part of that curse, is men will have to work hard to provide for their families.
One morning I sat outside and read my Bible. I LOVED IT. It was the first time I've done that since we moved in. Are you ready for this? I never did because hubby couldn't do this since he had to go to work. How stupid!
By the way...I was so loving the sunrise I took pictures. Granted it was with my camera phone so it's not the best quality...but here are some pictures of the view from my front yard.
So go do something you enjoy, and truly enjoy it full heartedly. God has given children the easiest role, men have the hardest role, and women have the best role. The more you embrace your role and take it for all the advantages you can, you will be so joyful, you will light up your husband the minute he walks in the door!
Linked to:
The Alabaster Jar, Lowercase letters, The Better Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Growing Home, Time-Warp Wife, A Pause on the Path, Lessons from Ivy, Cornerstone Confessions,
18 comments:
Lovely, lovely post! YES, I totally have felt that way. I've been married 23 years and I STILL thank my husband for going to work so that I don't have to. I'm so blessed that he is willing to do that, and prefers for me to be home. However---when I'm doing "fun things" I tend to feel like I've got the GREAT end of the deal (and I do), and a little guilty that I don't have to get up at 3:30am, drive in traffic both ways, deal with unreasonable work situations, and all the rest, while he does---and gladly! In the end, it's what he wants, and the reality is that when he gets home, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to (unless it's fixing something), because I let him relax, which is an expression of my thanksgiving to him (and Him!) for allowing me to be home with the kids, the animals and in my wonderful home. :)
I, too, had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mother. I find it precious that you were so careful of your husband. And thankful that God showed you the blessings we women enjoy are part of His plan.
I am a new stay at home mom, and I have really been struggling with the feelings of guilt, when I get to take a little bit of time for myself during my daughter's naps. Thank you for posting this. My husband always does seem a little more energized when he comes home and I am joyful instead of weary or rundown. Blessings!
Kristi - we are so much alike sometimes that it's scary. I totally appreciate all the work hubby does. Every now and then I get caught up with comparison (which is usually unrealistic anyways) and start complaining about why I deserve to be doted on, but when we put all that aside and truly appreciate the work he does for us...even we are blessed :-)
Pamela - thank you. I wish I had some stay at home moms who have been there and done that in my personal life. My mom worked and my grandmothers worked.
Annika - when I was a new SAHM, it was the worse in the sense of guilt. Sometimes we think that hubby's have it worse than we do because we get to stay home. I had to understand that just because I don't WORK outside the home, doesn't mean what I'm doing isn't work. We work 24/7. Do you get up in the middle of the night with your kids? Are you able to clock out? Have a lunch break? Please don't do what I did and waste so many years feeling guilty for being home. I read some where out in blog land that you need to stop comparing yourself to your hubby...just agree that you both work hard for the sake of the family.
Thanks for visiting ladies!
You sound like a wonderful Momma! And I can totally relate to the guilt. It took me about five years to to actually recognize that a SAHM's job is a lot of odd hours that come in the middle of the night and everything in between. Yes you might be able to read during a nap or rest for a bit when the kiddies are- but there are dishes to wash, laundry to fold, baths to fill, books to read, hair to brush-much of these things are after work day hours. It is on going. I'm so glad you recognize all you do-and happy that you are approaching the golden preschool years! It must be sort of a releif to know you are past the new born stage. Happy Parenting!
SUCH a good personal revelation to have received. And thanks for sharing it with us so that we can benefit too.
This is a great perspective. A few of my friends and I have been talking about this very thing lately. It's just what I needed to hear. And, I need to check out this book. Sounds right up my alley. I'd love to have you link this up to Titus 2 Tuesday on Cornerstone Confessions.
Hopping over from Growing Home.
Kathy
I am still working outside of the home until the Lord makes a way (which I know He will) for me to stay at home full time. I can't wait to be the keeper of my home full-time and have that be my main focus- to create a joyful home for myself and my family. Wonderful post, I'm glad the Lord is showing you these things. Blessings to you.
~Nicole, Working Kansas Homemaker
Danielle - I too, took about 5 years or so for it sink in that I don't have a normal 9-5 job. And yes, I am definitely glad (and sad at times - usually when I'm hormonal lol!) that I'm entering the preschool years
Erica - Thanks and your welcome!
Kathy - Glad I could help! And I linked up (and added you to my linky directory)
Nicole - I'm praying God gives you a way to stay home. Thanks for the perspective of remembering that I am blessed to be a homemaker!
This is such a shame, that you should feel (false!!) guilt for these things. I don't think any women would have, say, 70 years ago!
It's fallout from our recent history. Women were pushed to want it all, and that ended up meaning having to DO it all! Women in the workforce are overloaded with jobs plus home responsibilities, and SAHM's feel like they have to knock themselves out with overwork everyday to justify their existence. We lay way more on ourselves than God does. "My yoke is easy, my burden light." Glad you're shedding the false guilt. Enjoy your motherhood! Surely that will rejoice God's heart, too.
Angell...I love your open heart. I'm glad you found peace in your calling to be at home. My husband loved when he came home and he saw I had finished a quilt I started or that I could share something I read with him. And I definitely appreciated the time I had to do those things and being able to share them with my Love at the end of the day. Thank you for sharing this at WJIM.
Sylvia! Thank you for such an inspirational comment. I hope you don't mind, but I shared it on my facebook page
WJIM - I very much try to have an open heart on here. I think being honest helps other women know that they are okay and that they aren't alone in their struggles.
Now, there have been times where I wanted to talk about something I did or something I read to my husband, and he would make a comment "yeah, well I worked all day." Which, I have to say, takes the enjoyment out of telling him anything. He's a hard worker and sometimes I think he gets a little jealous (usually when he's close to burnout) that I get to stay home. But hearing comments similar to that for the past 7 years, every now and then, I think he could be part of the problem. I'm not knocking him at all. He's an excellent husband who will die providing for this family. I prayed about it and that's where the whole "blame Adam" thing came from lol! Having the burden to provide for an entire family for their entire life is definitely heavy!
Yeah! Thanks for linking up to Titus 2 Tuesday.
Kathy
Your welcome :-)
I struggle with this. I almost don't want to tell my hubby what I do during the day or what I have planned because of the guilt. He always tells me that is what he wants for me, though. It makes me gush :)....but I still have a hard time being ok with him working so hard and me going to the pool on hot days or reading a book. Thanks for showing us that it really is ok and guys really are wired that way.
Your welcome Nicole! Satan just likes to do a number on us!! Guilt seems to be his number one attack on this generation of women. But you can't be guilty and joyful at the same time.
You spoke to my heart that feels this guilt so often, even though my hubby has told me that he loves me being at home..I so often feel like I have to have a long list of what I've accomplished each day..explain myself to people, when really it is only me who is freaked out about it..doing the plan of my Lord each day, that should be my only goal and He is the One who told me to be a keeper of my home..thank you for your encouragement sweet Angell!!!
Bonnie, I'm so glad I can encourage you! That is the whole "meat" of this blog. I love to have fun on here, but those posts are the purpose behind it!
Thanks for visiting!
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