Hello Ladies,
I’m annoyed and I need to vent a little bit here…maybe some can relate. I’m a mom with young children and I just want to scream WHERE ARE THESE SUPPOSED TITUS 2 WOMEN? We’re supposed to have older women who encourage us, comfort us, lift us up as wives and mothers, teach us about being a homemaker, and on and on.
But all I see is judgment, finger pointing and ignorant statements. I see older women who do nothing but judge moms with statements like “well, that wouldn’t be allowed back in our days.” Really? Well back in your days you hit kids with a belt! You know what happens if you do that NOW???? You get ARRESTED!! Ever have statements like that? Let me tell you something “older” people…parenting in this generation is harder than it ever has been! Cut us some slack and zip your judgmental lips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I think they forget what it’s like having small kids. Have you ever had your kids screaming at a store and you get some old woman telling you “you’re going to miss this?” Really? I want to say to them…”Miss this? No, you’re going to miss your left eye after I shove my pen in it!!” What ignorance! It’s one thing to tell a mom that they are going to miss the kids while they are young…don’t tell them when they are ready to have a melt down!
My youngest has stressed me out the past few days so much that it has been making me physically ill. I’m ready to breakdown, I have chest pains, I haven’t been getting any sleep, I can’t get anything done, I can’t escape since I have no car…oh and I have pinkeye to top it off!
I’m not pointing fingers, but I have to say something. I was trying to be funny and have other moms who could relate reply. You know…sometimes us moms need a few “I understand…I’ve been there” kinda statements. I posted on facebook about how technology fails us when we need it most. The past week my youngest hasn’t been sleeping well. When he gets congested he turns into a nightmare! Well the farmers around our home and neighborhood have been doing a lot of work in the field and that throws dust around. We’re struggling with allergies and he is no different. It’s worse at night and I haven’t gotten much sleep because of his restlessness…oh and from his SCREAMING. I’m talking he gets MAD. So I was trying to put a youtube lullaby video that calms him down and it wouldn’t stop buffering. When I tried to put another video that he loves that’s on On Demand, all of a sudden our On Demand doesn’t work. And here he is…still screaming his head off (all over a stuffy nose!!) So instead of getting understanding moms, I get 2 older women who make comments that, at first I took with a grain of salt, but then as the more I thought about it, made me really angry (I have deleted it so don’t waste your time looking for it). One accused me of using technology as a babysitter and the other gave me advice that worked on their dog! What?
Which is what led to this post. I’m tired of these older women having no clue about being a mom with small kids. It’s like they don’t remember how HARD it was. My own grandmother doesn't get it! I won’t even talk to her about it. But then again, they practically abused their kids back in those days. And kids were seen and not heard!
So, if you’re an older woman, before you open your mouth, stop and try to see where the mother is coming from. Oh, and try to remember what it was like when you got no sleep due to the kids. Back when you were walking into walls because you were so sleep deprived…when you still had a house to clean and food to cook, and people to take care of…all on less than a few hours of sleep!!!!!!!!
STOP JUDGING US AND HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP TELLING US WHAT WE’RE DOING WRONG AND SPEAK SOMETHING ENCOURAGING TO US!!!
STOP TELLING US WE’RE GOING TO MISS THIS AND TELL US A CRAZY STORY THAT YOU WENT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!
STOP GIVING US DIRTY LOOKS AND TELL US IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!
AND TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR YOU!!!
I am just so fed up with people right now, I can’t even see straight…and they are all Christians which makes it worse. Encouraging people is becoming rare and judgment is becoming the norm.
Makes me sick!
Thanks for listening to my rant! While you’re blog hopping today, send some encouraging comments to your blog friends! You can never get enough!
Linked to: The Straightened Path, The Better Mom, A Mama's Story, lowercase letters, What Joy is Mine,
Linked to: The Straightened Path, The Better Mom, A Mama's Story, lowercase letters, What Joy is Mine,
17 comments:
It is SO hard to be a young mother--I remember! Lack of sleep will do some really bad things to a body, and to a mind!
People (and I'm sure I've been one of them) don't always realize the impact their words will have on a person in a bad situation. Sometimes the best thing to do (and I'm learning this) is just to put an arm around someone's shoulder and say "I get you". That's often all that's needed.
Hope you can get some rest today/this weekend, girl. Praying for Matthew to feel better very soon!
Oh, boy, do I remember. I have eight kids, and for 17 years, I was either pregnant, nursing, or both. I was lucky to get three or four hours of sleep a night. And if they were all in a row, I felt really blessed. One of my sons had colic for 2 solid months, and from 4:00pm-midnight every day he screamed. Nothing would comfort him. So I paced with him, bouncing and singing to him. It was awful! And the whole bumping into walls from sleep deprivation thing. Been there. You think it's never going to get better while your "in it." But it does. Slowly, but it does. I'm sorry that some ladies have been less than kind. Keep your focus on your calling as a mother, and don't listen to them. They have forgotten. Be the best you can be with what God has given you. And make sure when you're on the other side, you don't forget. :-) Someday, in a more sane and restful stage of life, you will laugh and say, "Oh, my goodness, remember when...!"
Blessings to you today, and may God give some sleep tonight. :-)
Thanks ladies!
The saying "stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...so not true. So sorry to hear you have been hurt as well as sleep deprived.
I won't pretend to understand your exact circumstances since I'm not a mother, and I don't want to insult...however, since I have a chronic illness...I do receive similar generalized statements like you are saying. Most of the time, I have to make myself believe people are trying to be "well meaning". But, like you said...they have no idea of my daily walk, and it does feel judgmental and not helpful.
So, with that being said...I will simply say...(((hugs))) from me...no judgment here. And, prayers that all of your family's allergies improve so you all might be able to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation is a KILLER!!! Please let me know if you have any specific prayer requests as well...I will pray for you.
Erin,
Thank you so much for commenting! Yes many people are well meaning.
I like to joke and say "their heart is in the right place, but who knows where their brain is" lol!
I know we should always assume the best of people (at least that's what the bible says lol) but it's really hard when you don't feel good!!!
Thanks again for commenting and visiting.
Even though I'm an older mom, I get this. I think it helps that I journaled a lot during those early years and I keep those writings handy to understand my younger self sometimes. Boy, are my writings a shocker at times! It reminds me just how tough it was and, unfortunately, I didn't have a clue how to deal with it back then. I just hope you don't write off all of us older moms, Angell! Along with the wrinkles comes a dimmed memory!
And remember, life feels so different after a week of nights with good sleep for everyone! :) I'll be praying that's how God blesses you this week! ;)
Thanks Beth! I can use all the prayer I can get! At least, last night I had a great night sleep!
And no, I won't write off older women. I know it may not sound like it because of this post, but I love older women. They are full of wisdom. It saddens me that the generation that grew up in the great depression is dying off. I just love reading about stuff from back then!
I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time- and although I can't relate on the parent front, as I am not one yet, I can relate on how negative comments can really make you upset. I would just keep in mind the simple fact that they don't understand in the forefront of your mind. I hope your son gets feeling better- and you get some needed rest!
Blessings,
Nicole at Working Kansas Homemaker
Oh honey...I have BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!! I know what it is like to be ready to lose your mind with little ones and no help.
I was very blessed to have a 70 year old wonderful Titus 2 older woman come alongside my life many years ago and it was such a tremendous blessing to me!
Being a Titus 2 older woman is my passion - I still have so much to learn as only my oldest 4 are grown up - but I will pray the Lord leads a wonderful loving woman to bless and encourage you. In the meantime, come on over to my blog. Hopefully it would be an encouragement to you!
Thank you Nicole!
Kate, thank you so much for praying for me. Having a woman like that in my life would be such a blessing!!
I signed up for your emails!
Take care
Oh no...things sound stressful for you at the moment! It helps to rant sometimes I know.
I have all the joys of parenthood to come in four months time and I'm already experiencing the judgements and 'helpful' advice!
I guess it's just a reminder to guard our words whatever age we are. It's easy to say something that can be or sound judgemental when actually that person doesn't need advice, they need practical help or even just some sympathy.
I hope things get better for you soon, and God provides some Titus 2 women for you when you need them.
Rach @ www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com
Oh Rachel, yes there are a ton of people out there that want to tell you what is best for your kids.
Congratulations on your new baby!! Remember to always stick with YOUR gut!
I understand how the baby feels, lol. Having a stuffy nose is enough to make me want to scream, too. . . if only I weren't so grown-up and mature. Sigh. Keep your chin up, girl. Some days are just harder than others, and few of them are easy. Worthwhile, yes. Easy, NO WAY!!!
Angel, I'm so sorry that you are going through this rough season. I'm a mom of 6 (with one on the way) and I can relate to the sleep deprivation. I'm so amazed at what the lack of sleep can do to a person - it can really change you.
I believe that a Titus 2 woman doesn't necessarily have to be an "older" women, I believe it's a woman with experience and wisdom that they have to share and pass onto others. Maybe you need to find a "younger" Titus 2 woman that can relate to you better.
I will be lifting you up in prayer and pray that the Lord brings just the right woman into your life to mentor you and offer you support, encouragement and wisdom.
Hang in there! Keep you eye on the Lord.
Angell...sending you a huge hug right now. Though people mean well, they don't always say it right. I learned that after my son went to heaven. People often said things that seemed heartless. I would just smile, show grace and walk away. If I didn't, I might have said something I would've regretted later. You know what I mean? I am praying for you today. And it's perfectly fine to "rant". :o) Thanks for sharing at What Joy Is Mine.
I just want to encourage you that it really is okay to have rough days. Raising children is serious business and if your heart is truly in it, there will be days that you feel ready to collapse by lunch. But keep clinging to Him who can impart strength and give you the determination to keep going even when you're ready to throw in the towel! I'm in the trenches with you and while I really do LOVE being a mother, I have days where discouragement creeps in!
Cassi - I know! I hate a stuffy nose. The other day my SEVEN year old was crying about the same thing. I wish these kids would understand that crying makes it worse!
Sarah - Thank you so much. I needed to be reminded that a Titus 2 women may not necessarily be older. I do have a great woman in my life that does help me (Hi Kristi! lol). We're internet friends since she's all the way in California!
And yes, sleep deprivation does a lot...it makes me really CRANKY! LOL
What Joy is Mine - Thanks for the hug! It really saddens me to hear of a mom losing their child. I'm hearing it more and more and it's really scary. You have such a great attitude and spirit about you. Thanks so much for your continued comments and encouragement (oh, and for listening to my rant lol). God Bless You!!!!
Kasey - thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. Some days are rougher than others. I'm trying to remember to run to God when I'm stressed out instead of tuning out the world (which makes me even more mad if they interrupt me during that! lol). Motherhood is hard and exhausting...but it's worth it!
Thanks ladies for commenting!
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